today was fun i guess.
Haha, family lunch and lots of digression.
We talked alot.
Like High Tea Congregation ;DD.

Haha,
My cousin is pretty hilarious.
Anti-Horror and easily frightened.
Wah lau, go movie with her also i get frightened.
She grabbed onto me everytime something scary happened.
My sister also another one.
Tskk, those two should scare other,
Rather than scare me and my other cousin.
My paternal grandfather's sister's daughter's daughter,
was also there.
I also consider her my cousin.
3 cousins, 2 sisters.
SUPER FUN.
Haha watching movies with people you love is fun.
Very.


My parents went home though.
Because they had to attend to their own stuff.

Haha we are the true meanings of window shopping lah.
Walk in and out of stores, without buying anything.
I think Zara/Topshop/Mango are all the same fashion.
The same old, Vintagish/Weirdo/Hard to imagine wearing Clothes.
We all agreed on that.

And seriously, we embarrassed ourselves taking photos.
In the middle of nowhere.
People were staring =/
Ah well.

Haha,
Today was fun.
((:
Talking about our lives to each other felt quite good.
Especially when you learn something outta it.

Today was pretty... pointless though.
No shopping ((:
Just plain money spent on food and more food.
HEHE.

Off now.
((;
YO YO DAWGS WHAZZUUUPPPP.
PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
(they know who they are! HAHA)

anon says:
well..you dont really know our problems
anon says:
cos you keep talking abt yours, aint it?

anon2 says:
wow
anon2 says:
her concern touches me

i could do almost anything to you.
but i choose not to.

My dad told me today,

"You know i chose not to say anything for the past few years,
But i never approved of her. All she ever talked about was others.
What kind of friendship is that?
And she never showed gratitude.
Maybe this was a good choice, Shan.
I think it will be good for you."

It hit me.
Well.
I liked watching Da Vinci Code with my dad.
I miss him a lot.
I really do.
I like telling him my problems too.

Then he said,
"I sort of expected it actually"
And i thought,
i should trust my father more often.


anon3 says:
i have no idea what i ever did to her can.
anon3 says:
i've never said anything about her -.-

Don't worry honey, i'm here for you.
Who cares about a certain wannabe?
Not me. Neither should you ((:

Make it a point to appreciate the life you lead
don't rush the days
you'll wish they stayed for one year later
it's a tragic case of bad taste
but it's all concerning you
who truly can appreciate the
mess you've made

i feel bad about it,
but i just want to stay away.
selfish on my part,
but i don't want to end up in a ditch do i?
i'm scared of what you're capable of.
one by one, they all get taken away from me.
and then, i wonder,
does the eraser work for real?

because of you,
everyone else thinks differently.
and i'm dragged down all the way.
is this worth it at all?

you are really obvious.
you really are.
stranded.
but gosh,
i need a break too you know.

oversensitive.

it's hard to not give a damn sometimes.
though i really wished i was that way.
God.

I sense another gradual change,
coming along.
Slowly, but steadily.
We'll see where life brings us.
Won't we.

i have to leave soon, to go take a photo for my passport.
while i wait, i am looking at Baby Names.
Haha, random, but well, it's fun.

Adolf means Wolf. Lol, Hitler ;D
Wolf Hitler. Heh Heh.

Africa means Pleasant & Peaceful.
How i wish the place was that way.
Poverty-Stricken families.
Sometimes, it's so hard to see documentaries,
on African Children and so on.
I just feel guilty that i have a great life,
though i'm always 'sad',
i realise they have worse lives,
And they don't even have their needs,
satisfied.
Sigh.

Ajay means Victorious.
It's a Hindu name.
Maybe i will name my kid that next time.

Alastair means Protector of Mankind.
Oo, hot. <3
it's a pretty cool name.
Alexander means the same thing too.

Alexis is that too.
I like the name Alexis.

Anita means Gracious.
Haha, quite sweet.

Arthur means Noble Strength / A Bear.
HAHAHA, so cute!
Hey Arthur, Hey Bear. Rawr.

ALRIGHT
time for me to go.
After phototaking, i have to go to my Aunt's House.
((: that will be fun.
Playing the piano, though i have never learnt before.
Tata.

[edit]




I think this was on Wednesday.
I was pretty freaked out,
But i remember Dio telling me
"Forty Five Degrees Shanti, not Ninety"
Lol. About the way i face the audience.

Memories Galore








Let the pictures speak
for themselves.
















15th May 2006
Failed attempt to absorb,
IS1103 knowledge.
Till now,
I don't know what pitituary glands do.


















one of the memorable days,
of Semester One.

















22nd May 2006.
At HMV with Rachel&Wendy.
After this picture was taken,
all hell broke loose.

Dramafest 2006
26th May.

it was plain fun.
(:

i blew up at my mom,
not so long ago. and i'm feeling guilty.
i just screamed, kicked the chair, and slammed my door shut.
then i came out, and helped my mother to clean the toilet.
haha, how comical.

you know,
things never stay the same.
especially this year.
we're going round in circles.
before you know it,

we're back to where we started from.

Retrace the steps,
and maybe you'll know how to go about
this again.

i was thinking, about a scholar's life in singapore.
while i was chatting to Samantha on Msn.

i remember how zile used to tell me,
how happy he was to go back to China to see his family.
you could see his utmost glee from his eyes.
same goes for the rest of the scholars.

i was wondering,
how hard is it to have to be without your family?
and i thought about it,
and i realised i would never be able to do that.
Never.

Though i barely speak to my father or mother or my sister,
Knowing that they are in the house with me,
or watching the television downstairs,
or signing cheques for Tax bills,
or marking Primary Six test papers,
makes me feel warm.
Their presence comforts me.

I'm sorry i never appreciated them.
Now i know i can't function,
without knowing they're with me.
Without knowing i have got 5 missed calls,
because my phone went dead,
and my father was wondering where i had gone to.
Without knowing that my mom is waiting by the door,
for me to come home so that she knows i'm safe.
Without knowing my sister is online,
and is chatting to me though she's just a room away from me

These are things i failed to think about.
And now when ithink about them,
I've started to tear.
It must be hard, without your family
the only people who will truly appreciate you,
no matter how much they may seem to 'hate you'

I love my family.
And i'm thankful to God,
For making me be part of this family.

I love my dad for everything he's done for me
I love my mom for her limitless love she's given to me
I love my sister for being my confidant always.

you aren't supposed to know.
i hope you know that.

Lies after Lies.
The Truth has gone Missing.
Should we set up a lookout for it now?
Should we?
Or should we just let you off?

Anyway,
i forgot to say.
i changed seating already! (:
haha now its, Shiqi, Theophila then Me.
no more zile! -SCREAMS
Lol.

i'm still high from last night.
i sound like i took vodka or something.

maybe it was planned,
but this plan is really the suckiest of all.

Sheena: Zomg, i already said it's okayy! i'm thankful enough you came! And i'm serious. And thanks for the hug! i miss hugs. ;P
<3

today was fine i guess.

I PASSED PHYSICS OVERALL
-SCREAMS.
that's the best news in centuries.
gosh ;D

I GOT AN A FOR BIO
-SQUEALS
that's a surprise since i didn't study
as hard as last time.

I CAN GET AN OKAY GPA!
though probably not 3.5
hahahaa so much for my GC group aim :P

DRAMA FEST WAS PRETTY FUN ALRIGHT!!!!
those who missed it, ah well.
shame on you!
omg i sound so motherly.
now everyone calls me Mommy, Mrs Compton, or Lucy.
Wth. Tskk to you people.

i was so nervous actually.
and i was worried i would trip over stuff during the play.
and that we would flop our lines.
which we did ;D but we covered up well.
really well actually.
haha, and the Terry-Lucy fight scene,
wah lau, AVRIL BELLE CHEONG TSE WEI laughed too loud,
that i laughed too.
stupid. haha :P

thanks to cherie, rachel and avril for coming!
and sheena&wanyun, ITS OKAY IF YOU MISSED MY PLAY.
i still appreciate it. Lol.
Rachel told me some nice comments people said.
So today's a happy day!
what a great way to start the holidays!

I will post pics up once Belle sends me :P
hehe.

thanks to,

Jeremy & Yingting : Haha it was fun to work with you guys i guess. CHEERS TO US NOT BEING LOSERS ON STAGE. and seeing jeremy in make up is funny.

Random people like Jeffrey, Haikel (sp?), Eudora, Teresa who gave me comments that helped me along the way! Oh yeah, Jason too.

Thanks to my friends who cheered me on and made sure i didn't give up at all, when i felt like it. under all that stress.

So cheers to everyone!
YIPEE

drama fest is tomorrow.
gosh i'm quite freaked outt. =/
Mother Figure is the first play to go on.
I'm saying the opening line.
AH.

well, at least rehearsals went well today.
our play screwed up all our lines.
but, at least on an individual basis i did much better?
acc. to eudora, jeff, mr dio.
Lol. Good, i just went slower, louder (though not that loud) and more... motherly.
HAHA. sigh, jeremy and i kept flopping our lines!


and my COSTUME =S
hahahaha, the auntie from next door.
but dio thinks its perfect.
hurhur, total mother i guess.
I LIKE MY THEME SONG

where your mama gone
where your mama gone
far far away.

<3!

hehe, it gets me all high.
sigh, i hope everything goes well.
for drama fest ;D
the syf play - crucibal,
is so freaky gosh.
haha.


Emaths : A
Chemistry: B+
IH: A
Tamil: C+

Physics sucks lah
:( cos of it, i will get a nice 2.0
POOTSOME THING.


[edit]

i realised something.
i can't stay on one firm decision forever,
i keep changing on it.
like for you,
gosh just when i started to accept you, i hate you again.
it's very hard to deal with people like you.
one moment you're great
the next you piss me off
hur.
and how many times can i tell it to you?
it's so clear why ___ don't ___ you.
so PLEASE, stop repeating the same question again.
ITS GETTING ON MY DAMN NERVES.
sorry, but i am really annoyed today.

you made a plaything of it.
didn't you?
well, before you do that again,
think twice.

i don't even think you know,
i'm talking about you.
dumbass.
ah well, what can i expect,
from you.

haha i wasn't in too good a mood today.
lets see all my results so far.
Mi: A
Ma1102: B+
Ma1101: B+
LA: A
IH: A (so far)
Physics: U (:

i totally flunked that wonderful paper.
cos i didn't study at all.
haha and i was laughing,
when i got the paper back.
didn't know i was this pathetic.
and i'm sure YOU are happy.

i don't see what you gain,
out of knowing how i fare in exams,
i guess it's a great achievement eh?
to beat me?
haha, you make me seem important,
totally defeats your purpose.
but of course, airheads like you.
((:
(i still beat you in many things dear, don't worry.
and one of them is called, attitude
cos i've got a better one, compared to yours)

note: okay, you may be thinking its you i'm referring to.
but relax, it isn't. Lol.

sigh,
today wasn't too good for me.

after school was fun.
yanshan, rachel & i stayed in the classroom.
and talked. ((:
talking is everything.
like cherie said.
i agree.

then it was drama,
which was pretty... stressful.
esp. the tech run.
oh gosh.
i was freaking out.
esp. with tons of seniors watching you.
eeks.
i'm probably the most horrible one.
OH WELL.

i've had a really bad migraine.
after processing what's been happening in my life.
my head was hurting the whole time,
during Over the Hedge,
until my freaking ringtone blasted in the cinema.
-Hello Moto.
and i forgot how to shut the damn thing off.
made it worse.

Over the Hedge was really good.
go watch it, i laughed super hard.
so did Wendy & Rachel.

Sigh, poor wendy lost her phone.
damn you bastards who took her phone,
and had the cheek to pick up the call,
and laugh.
bloody assholes.
Rachel, it's time we got our VOID stamps.



let me ask you something, whoever is reading.
when do you trust someone?

i've really had to deal with this alot lately.
and it's been rather draining.

the people you trust,
disappoint you.
the people you disregard,
surprise you.

i really don't know what you're trying to do.
after all you've done to me,
it's really difficult for me to put myself out there again,
especially when i still doubt you.

it's just that,
i want to trust you,
after seeing my friend,
i realised that friendship is crucial.

it is in friendships that we learn, that we love, that we change.
when you fall, there is someone to catch your fall.
when you hurt, there is someone to share your hurt.
when you err, there is someone to take the blame.

but when we lose it all, sometimes there is no Reverse button
life goes on, and you miss it.
missing something that you once loved with all your heart,
is very painful and draining.

if you really mean it all,
show it to me,
and don't make me have to do,
the guessing game.
it's not very fun,
as games should be.
so just be frank.
please.
and maybe this friendship would work out,
again.

where'd you go?
i miss you so.
seems like it's been forever
that you've been gone.


please come back home.


it's a very very beautiful song by Fort Minor.
i think it is meant to suit those kind of situations.

Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

the video is nice too.

it reminds me of my dad
whose lost his dad at 12, and his mom at 20.
i always wondered how he could cope in his life.
the only man in the family.
with 3 women.

that's why i feel bad,
when i disappoint him.
because, i know how much pain he's gone through in his life.
including a loss of a baby sister, who died after a week of her birth,
because of the lack of nourishment.
he also lost his son, my elder brother.
the child was a still born.
he had to bury the child with all the things he had bought for him.
all the toys, the clothes.
in a white coffin.
my mother suffered from post natal depression.

i always wondered how it must have been for them.
acc. to my aunt and uncle,
the child was really beautiful.
to have to bury your own child,
after 9months on labour,
and the pain of knowing that,
you have to give birth to a dead child,
who will never be yours,
is unthinkable.

i hope my brother is watching over me.
though i've never seen him.
it's because of his loss,
that my parents had me.
i hope God is taking care of his soul.

i love you, dad.
you're the strongest person i know.
<3
and my mom,
you're probably the best thing,
that's happened to dad.

my sister and i love you both alot.




"The death of a loved one is so significant because we realize we can no longer interact them. We cannot touch, see hear or smell them. In life, we quarrel with our loved ones, and sometimes choose to isolate ourselves from them, not to speak to them. In death, there is no choice."
- Rachel's essay.

photo time ;D







20/05/06 - Funtasia

haha wenloong,
don't blame me,
you wanted the picture.
so there you go!












his THREE dollar henna design,
from of course, 02 stall!
thank you to Jonas' Cousin!


"i hold your heart"
Lol.












the fallen tree
on 10th may 2006.
miss ho was telling 02 about it.
gosh, it's sad.
something as big as that,
can be crushed and broken till it fell
analogical eh?















studying on the bus on 15/05/06.
i was pretty bored. I think i was reading through,
lam peng kwan txtbook. haha
not like my bio was any good anyway.














18/05/06 - Thursay, END OF ASS. WEEK
(: after cultural mapping. Yanyao. Me. Rachy.
it was a really fun day actually.
IH presentations, and crapping at bukit timah plaza.
haha (;
and sitting at the basement,
just talking about stuff like Pillows, our different origins, etc.
it felt good.













last night wasn't too good.
rachel knows why, i guess.
so does wenloong.
hur. oh well.
like everyone tells me,
'shanti, take it into your stride'
or something like that.
i will try.
;D

my aunt's very proud of me.
cos of my maths & mi results.
and the success of funtasia.
haha, i should give her a call soon.
that's something i don't get every other day.

funtasia turned out okay.
we did quite well,
considering we were doing Services - Beauty (;
the henna and the manicure and body art and hairspraying were all really popular.
haha (:
GO OHTWO.

[no connection]
that was an eyeopener.
what you do,
what you say,
what you claim,
is all a contradiction.
why won't you just leave me alone?
after all that you've done.
just go away.
seriously.
don't bother with pretense.
i still know what you do
when i'm not looking.
gosh.
i hate you really bad.
really really bad.
i try not to.
i really do,
try to look at what i may have misunderstood.
but it's really getting hard.
just be straightforward,
and not fake/confused.

i think God has been giving me multiple tests.
Throughout this year. At least from 1st january 2006 to 20th may 2006.
nearly 140-150 days.
and i don't know how many cycles it's been already.
7moremonths shanti.
and you're off.
sweet ending.
but the middle portion is hard.
the starting is just, surprising.
i can't wait. seriously.

i need a good holiday soon.
gosh.

and one more time,
i hear you talking about them,
i fucking swear i will murder you.
just because you don't know how it feels,
does not mean you are allowed,
to be pleased with all the shit,
you've done and caused.
get a life.
seriously.

just did the funtasia stuff.
finally ((:
haha, i lost the forms.
so tomorrow, i only have one form to hand in.
i wonder how many others i need to hand up.
tskkk.

our stuff is mostly settled.
cept for the hair spray one.
hope all goes well.
=)

haha today was super hectic lah.

goshh,
bringing canteen tables and benches from the storeroom under the canteen,
to the oasis,
is plain torture.
my hands hurt from WASHING.
like gosh. it was worse when i added soap.
sigh.
rachel and i were laughing till we dropped the tables.
and at one point, rachel fell backwards.
haha :D

then alot of chaos
haha over what to buy and all.
but in the end i had to go for drama.
i was so worried.
but when i came back,
everyone was back! doing the stuff ((:
so happy.
haha.

drama is another stress.
Lol.
anyway,
yeah, we did alot of work i guess.
setting prices,
assigning jobs,
thinking about what else to buy.
haha the nail polish that theo and i bought were really cute.
((:

gosh lah.
RACHEL IS A MAD POK.
she was so hyper
that she overloaded my hair with glitter spray
like REALLY REALLY OVERLOAD!
SHE CHASED ME AROUND THE LEVEL LOR.
AND I NEARLY ESCAPED HER.
GOSH. I EVEN PUT A PLASTIC BAG OVER MY HEAD,
TO PROTECT MY HEAD. BUT NO.... SHE ATTACKED ME.
AHHH!
horrid.
i screamed so much lah.
and avril was laughing her ass off.
tskkk.
bad woman.
haha.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW TO START AND END!
we can do it.
WE CAN DO IT OH TWO =D

i wonder how i'm going to put it altogether.
i really do.



funtasia is on saturday.
goshh.
alot of things to do.
alot.
and people are leaving early.
when it's compulsory.
haha, we die.
oh well.

Theophila, we shall pray!
hahaha.
together we can do it!
i hope.
;D


ih was okay i guess.
rachel comforted me with some news.
aha (:
cultural mapping was so easy
i just striked a normal conversation with the lady
she didn't even know she was being interviewed
haha.
attitude sounds kinda okay.
haha and the studio is KEWLL.


rachel, yanyao and i had fun after that.
it was fun. sitting at b1. along the ledge thingo.
and talking.
very fun.
we were so random.
and rachel and her stupid song on me.
Dumbo.
((: but rachel still rocks.
haha.


i agree.
it's complicated.
and it's sickening.
simple is what i want.
but all i get is messy.
well rachel,
what do you expect?
it's life.
only time will heal.
but it sucks,
that it became a cycle,
every new segment,
a new cycle,
and it reverts and diverts.
gosh.

EH rachel, read that hor.
hahaha i think you know what i'm saying.
((:



[no connection]
woah must i kick you to the curb, for you to budge and start moving?
Gosh. You Freaking...
Thanks Alot.

today was okay, i guess.
=/

tamil paper.
sickening 4 hours.
chem paper,
total shit.
cos i didn't study properly.
so in the end i crapped
for half the things.
it was almost as bad as physics.
and i saw SOMEONE finish so damn fast.
rachel and i freaked out cos of that SOMEONE.
freakazoid.
haha.

after school,
drama.
haha jeremy came late.
AGAIN.
this time, basketball.
the runthrough was fine.
haha yingting, jeremy and i were quite relaxed.
i think.
amanda didn't come
well, sad.
we still have friday though ;D

funtasia's coming shit.
anyway,
after drama,
went to do IH.
SO FUN. ((:

and chuyun kept putting the pompom strings into my hair.
i NEARLY FORGOT TO REMOVE THEM!
when i was about to walk down on my way home.
wah lau.
lucky no one saw me.
haha.

then went for dinner with liyana, amalina and sheena at KFC btp.

and then went home.
so bored.

b i m bo
b i m bo
b i m bo
and bimbo was her name,
Oh!

[no connection whatsoever]

after this, huh?
after this.
that itself, is an eye opener to me.
to think i laid faith again.
faith that it was not going to be forever.
liars.
a bunch of liars.
that i once salvaged.
gratitude comes in surprising ways.
really surprising.

so dead you are.
((:



hello stranger.
i've known you this long.
i've not trusted you much.
i've not told you much.
but what i've told,
is just the start,
of the worst.

negative + negative = bond.
doesn't make sense at all you know.
only you have to tell me,
why your brain is so messed up.

Mi done.
La done.
Ma (both) done.
IS1103 done.
IS1110 done.

3 more papers to go.
2 more subjects.
gosh, i can do this (:

i hope so.
it's just hmt and chemistry.
i must mug real hard for chemistry.
cannot end up like my other IS.
=S

funtasia's coming up.
shit.
haha =/

dramafest too.
shit.
i didn't memorise my script.
hoho, dio is going to kill me.
but, heck.

she turns the minute hand backward,
and the second hand forward,
it's haywire,
she's a mess.
she misses out,
she cries out loud,
but no one's there to save her.
or did she miss out on that too?

if no one cared,
she wouldn't be here,

regret is most painful,
when it stares right back at you.

I was watching channel 5 just now. and there was this show,
it was sad. reality tv show, where the show helps to heal family problems, plus mark the new beginning with a new house built from a scratch

about a family where their teen daughter died from cancer.
and they couldn't let go of her.
they walked into the room, where she used to be.
and there were old toys hanging around, old books stacked up,
old medals, her little photo albums,
and then, they started packing it up.
to see the father cry was very sad.
a big man like him, breaking down.
sigh.
i teared up too.
=/
then they had little memories framed up,
like a section of the wall,
where they had last marked her height,
before she succumbed to cancer.

reminds me of how fragile life is.
sigh.

Mugging is really getting on my nerves.
Gosh.

Sigh,
last night was total mugger mode.
from 10.30pm to 2am.
I was online talking to Samantha, and Rachel, and Wendy.
haha chemistry totally pissed me off gosh.
i hate heat capacity and what other shit.
luckily on tuesday i will mug for chem the whole day.
since tamil is non-muggable.

I just came back from my aunt's house.
i mugged for MA1101 and MA1102 for 3 hours.
with more emphasis on 1101.
since the weightage is freaking high.
i love my aunt <3
cos yesterday she helped me for 5hours.
friday night, 4 hours

haha Sam was testing me chemistry last night
thank youu! ((:
and people asked for help for Mi.
like Cass. (: haha
revision!
yay!

you know, the whole Brain-in-aVat and Evil Demon hypotheses,
they are like a fallacy by themselves =/
haha, Mi got to me.

Lol just helped sneha.
haha i helped denise too last night.
and confused myself =S

Going to revise MA1102 soon.
Followed by physics.
which i have not touched at all.
Shittz.

And then, LA.
And then, M.I.
and then Maths
and then Eat.
and then Revision
and then... SLEEP.
((:

i will never follow my plans.
so forget it.
haha


I HOPE THERE IS AN IJ REUNION ((:
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS FOR LIKE GAZILLION YEARS MAN.
<33!

sigh.
prolonged studying makes you spastic.

the proof?
samantha mok jiayi
and me.
hahaha ((;



like the durex ad
if u use our competitors products. HAPPY FATHERS DAY

HAHAHA.
i wonder whose fast enough to catch this.
Lol.

!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
and bush got me into the mood with all the fallacies he made
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
i like bush now.
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
his words are soooooooo...........mmmmmmmmmmmm........
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
i hateee bush.
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
he's just such an airhead
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
GOSH i need a man with brain
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
or... HOT BODS like aristotle
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
heyy dont look down on bush
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
well he's SO not my type
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
he's good in bed. (puts me to sleep)
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
-yawns-
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
haha he's good in bed?
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
i'm sure you meant it the other way
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
yeah babaye
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
OOO.
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
congrats hon.
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
!
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
i prefer guys with white linen
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
soft clothing
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
like aristotle
!samantha ` i can't create the miracles x( says:
;D
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
UH HUH
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
and he's total brainiac
;shanti &{maybe it's time for the talk. says:
hahaha

Lol.
Lame is THE word for this conversation.
haha it cracked me up a whole lot.

anyway,
let's see what i must mug tonight.

DO CHEMISTRY - DAMN.
Van De Waals, here i come.

FINISH UP BIOLOGY.
How now mad cow?

DO Man&Ideas
plato's cave, eh?

argh, so much to do.
):
better go. BYE

OH YEAH
IH. =/

[edit 2250]

yeah, i did IS1103.
i told stories to my mother,
and she loves the Deep Sea now ((;

i also talked to her about Chemical bondings.
and she was so happy,
that i'm studying.

now i'm doing Specific Heat Capacity
Q = mc(whatever the sign is)

thanks alot to Sam(:
for teaching me asymptotes.
if not i would have cried there and then.
haha ;D

i still have to finish up revision package,
start on physics,
talk to my dad about Mi,
revise maths like hell,
read through poems for LA,
revise bio,
revise chem once i'm done with it tonight,
revise tamil.

oh my gosh.
i better go.
BYE

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need you
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
So this is the way that I say I need you
This is the way that I say I love you
This is the way that I say I'm yours
This is the way, this is the way

Switchfoot/ Learning to Breathe


maybe,
it is time to talk it all out.
after seeing that video,
i don't know,
i just realised,
some have it easy,
while some don't.
some like to say it out.
some don't.

Sigh.
go figure alright?
those who are close to me,
will know what i'm saying
those who are not,
sorry you're getting lost.

i was looking through my Shutterfly and Imagestation photos.
alot of memories just from one picture alone.

alot of the row pictures.
=/

let me post one here.
haha.
i feel like it.

















haha, it's a cute picture.
i edited it last year.
Lol.
i think it was before Roderica's Ensemble Concert.
Oh yeah it was, at Bukit Timah Plaza.

old times always seem good.

sam's been updating me on Council news.

yayy, faizal is council president!
((: haha, i think everyone's happy

i want to know who Terra's Captain is.
Sam eng and Sam ng are Lignum's & Aqua's Captains
Lol.

GO TERRA.
WE CAN DO IT.
haha i hope catrin's in HAT.
((:

i am doing Discriminants
Stupid right
when i should be doing Curves and all.
Lol
okay byeee

swimming pe sounds dreadful.
and what arthi says is worse.
hahaha, guys&girls swim tgt?
so WRONG.

sneha,
we shall go to the gym baby.
work it, let me work it.

studying bio was not that bad after all.
though i fell asleep last night,
reading the Moken Children thing.
haha this morning, was okay

i do not look forward to Ass. Week at all.
hurhur.

i want to learn more of the Indian dance!
joot joot joot.
the song that is.
haha ;D

and drama,
i have to memorise lines.
oh gosh =/
wednesday have drama.
one hour.
Gosh, get into character shanti!
MUMMY.
MUMMY.
MUMMY.

Lol.


i want to sink to the bottom with you =x

if i could open your eyes,
i would make you see the beauty,
in the world,
that you've neglected.
i would make you see the pain,
around the world,
that you've never seen.

school was fine today, i guess.
Pe was okay.
La was well, sigh.
I miss Miss Oon like Hell.
Hurry up and come back!
<3
IH was okay.
Chem was dreadful.
Lunch was an eye-opener.
Maths was informative.
Especially when zile tries to teach you,
cos he just sounds really spastic.
HaHa.
"are you SURE you have no problems?"
"yeah. i am doing lah, let me solve"
"are you SURE? i'm SURE you have"
"what the hell, are you trying to say i'm stupid"
"haha you are stupid. You are saying you're stupid"
"-stares. WTH."
"are you sure you no problems? i will help you"
"if i have i will tell you"
"okay, i want my paper anyway"
haha i lend him foolscap paper everyday.
it went along these lines.
Oh there was the 'free period' talk with me zile and eugene.
hurhur.

Caal was disappointing.
Ronin! Damn.
)):
Drama was fine, after school.
Mr dio left us with Amanda,
it was quite okay.
Lol looking at jeremy saying shit and flip through his file,
like super fast, is funny.
everyone was laughing at him.
haha.

Mugging with rachel and wendy,
was like a digressing fest.
haha, we talked about how we were as kids.
how we used to think.

it was good.
now i'm remembering small snippets of my past.
i used to be insecure,
guess things don't change.
i used to want to act older than i was,
but in the end,
everyone kept calling me a kid.
and i got really angry.
that one day, i just started crying and ran up to my room,
and hiding under the covers,
and crying , because i didn't like being 'looked down upon"
i remember how i used to wonder,
why i become 'blind' when the lights went off.
i remember why i used to question language,
and how we know something represents something.
But that whole thing really muddled my brain up,
and started pissing me off a whole damn lot.

Every Assessment Week,
something new happens.
Things change.
Things revolve.
Things revert.
And it's already starting.
Back in the cycle.
Aren't we?

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

death cab for cutie/ tiny vessels.
they never fail to make me think about,
my life.
and what i've done wrong,
or could have improved on.
which is great.
and right now,
i regret ditching you.
leaving you alone.
when you needed me the most.

sigh.

anyway, today was okay i guess.
louisa didn't come cos of her migraine.
take care alright? ((:

pe was okay i guess.
haha i did 'exercise'. walked around the track twice with chuyun.
then IS1103 felt really good.
GOOD REVISION DAMN IT!
:DDDD
now i'm doing Is1103 again!

then GC. haha
heck it. ;D
then Lunch, didn't go.
then LA prac. crit.
it was okay
4 1/2 sides - leaving a line too.
not too bad!
IH
was okay. haha
msning Lou through Zile's laptop.
and listening to disgusting Bob Dylan's voice.
how the hell did he even become famous
Zile: Even I can sing better than him!
LOL.

Chemistry was okay i guess.
I don't really mind it anymore.
And finally math.
Quite okay, logarithms is getting back to me.
Good ;DD

i shall go mug again!
hur.





Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue
Fall fades how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

Death Cab for Cutie/ Your Heart Is An Empty Room


maybe i miss it.
though i seem sacarstic about it.
feeling good, is hard.
esp, when words don't come into place.

I wish we could open our eyes


To see in all directions at the same time
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head

a child at play,
a crayon in her hand.
colours fill her mind,
she draws them out.

beautiful,
is a child's mind.
'cos innocence,
is beauty.

the unicorn gallops by,
the fairy whispers in her ear,
the giant hovers over her,
the colours fill her again.


childhood is supposedly the best time of your life.
to me, it wasn't that really.
but at least, it's better than now.

kids have fun.
i miss being one.


you know,
i realised that when you're sad,
having Death Cab for Cutie in the background,
makes you smile in your misery.

suddenly i yearn thirst for pain
and then i keel on the floor
broken up
tearing up

why do i put myself through all this?
why do i waste my time on this?

i don't know
i really don't know

i want to be numb again
i don't want to care anymore
i want to be alone again
without fear.
i just want to be
a nobody.

amateur poem ain't it?
i wrote it in sec1.
Lol. thus, the immature way of writing.

sigh, i mugged for math a little.
and Man&Ideas.
sigh, equivocation, begging the question, false cause, red herring, etc.
i'm going to fail the damn paper.

i'm gonna miss MISS OON <3!
haha, she was a really fun teacher.
)): come back and teach us!!

update later.
back to work.

like broken glass,
sprawled on that floor,
i'm lying here,
in a mess.

like fallen soldiers,
laying in the memorial,
i'm here,
waiting for the best.

that's yet to come.
now or never.
engulf me into nothing.
so that i will feel empty.

something's always missing.
always. isn't it?
i need that getaway
i wished for months ago.
right now.

stealing's bad, very.
i hope it seems
like a newsflash.
now.
to you.
i bet you think,
this has nothing,
to do with you.
it has everything,
trust me on that.

Lying is part of human nature.
but there's a limit.
for everything


i miss it.

gosh,
stop rubbing it in, will you?
freak.
that's what you are.

and gosh,
learn to deal with rough.
smooth isn't all the way.
if i would let myself do it,
you would be dead by now.
ha.

today was okay i guess.
besides zile and the pig on his finger.
GOSH, wendy knows what i mean.
oh yeah, thanks for the ride home ;D

i am so generous,
i bought candy floss from the 04 stall.
amalina owes me one.
totally.
;D you are so buying the Mothers' Day gift.
heh.

IH; Social revolution
is the most fun topic, trust me.
esp mr han and his new hair do
i will post a picture up later.
:D

And i think,
the feedback session was rather redundant.
oh well.
mufeng drew on my hand.
thanks alot huh woman.
Lol.
and her ... scary wound.

Let's go retro people!

i'm drained, to the max. =/
it's a horrible feeling, and being nice,
is even worse. horrific, horrible, and what have you.



but today i'm fine without you
run away this time without you

like i said last time,
i wish i could drop it all,
and run away,
to somewhere no one knows i'll be at.
it's hard,
having to run it through your mind,
constantly & repeatedly.

i'm still online at 12.21 am.
tskk. it's becoming a bad habit,
but something i can't get rid of,
staying up late,
talking & thinking.
but i think sometimes,
when it becomes too much,
it becomes a mantra in your head,
and takes its toll on you.

like samantha made me promise today,
i'll think of happy things tonight.
;D thanks dear
alot.

dont go on anymore.
just search deep inside your heart,
and see if u really meant what u said.
i dont wanna know the answer,
its only meant for u to know.
and when you know the answer,
maybe you'll understand what i mean,
when i repeat myself over and over again,
trying to get my point across to you,
but you,
remain in self denial,
and hurt me even more.

you may read this,
and laugh, snigger,
whatever it is.
but i'm sure,
if i knew you weren't heartless then,
you still aren't heartless now.
that wouldn't have changed in you.
i have that much faith in you,
after all this time.
i wish,
there was a thing called,
reciprocation.
don't you?

maybe you'll be wondering,
"what the hell is she talking about".
but before that,
read this carefully,
and it will hit you.
there must be a reason,
why i'm still hogging on it,
openly.
and maybe,
what was suggested at first,
should have taken place already,
we delayed.
too long.

i guess,
what i requested for came true
but in the end
it's still the same.
isn't it?

living in a lie isn't good.
i hope you realise.

why do i feel guilty,
when you're the one whose supposed to feel that way?
what is this?
reverse psychology?
freak you.



i tried to study IS1103,
but all i managed to do,
was memorise all the parts of the eye,
and not know where they
are from.
-.-

i bet sam & lou & the rest are
having better progress than me!
those EASTers. haiiii.
haha xD

maybe rachel, wendy & i
should try mugging aft. school
on tues! which is...
tomorrow. lol.
the first Ass. week
and this Ass. week
are going to be
oh so different.







It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

maybe, that's what you meant.
maybe not.
sigh.




[edit ; 1440pm]
Jimmy Eat world / My Sundown